[Editor’s be aware: In the event you thought UConn-Vandy was massive, how about UConn-UMass in perhaps the largest unhealthy recreation of all-time? These two are joined by Oregon and one other three Energy 5 interlopers.)
“You simply could not let me go, may you? That is what occurs when an unstoppable drive meets an immovable object. … You will not kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I will not kill you since you’re simply an excessive amount of enjoyable. I feel you and I are destined to do that perpetually.”
— The Joker, speaking to Batman whereas hanging the wrong way up off a skyscraper in “The Darkish Knight”
Right here at Backside 10 Headquarters, situated in a secret Batcave behind the trophy cupboard the place Baylor shows its 1961 Gotham Bowl trophy, we’re, as you nicely know, all about intellectualism. Particularly on the subject of the forces that pull, push and govern the way in which that every thing and everybody travels by way of the universe.
We’ve got all the time been significantly fascinated by the irresistible drive paradox, or as it’s referred to in different circles, the immovable object paradox. The query posed by philosophers and scientists alike is extremely easy and extremely sophisticated all of sudden. What occurs when an unstoppable drive meets an immovable object?
They’re each indestructible, but two completely different entities. The battle surrounding their battle is predicated on an incompatible premise. How can an unstoppable drive and an immovable object exist concurrently? What would occur ought to the 2 collide?
It’s two trains colliding on the identical monitor on the identical pace. It’s twin planets hurtling towards one another on an intersecting orbit. It is Thor’s hammer being swung into the middle of Captain America’s vibranium protect.
And it’s UConn visiting UMass, this Saturday at 3:30 ET.
With apologies to Christopher Nolan, “The Han Feizi” and Steve Harvey, here is the 2021 Week 5 rankings.
1. UMess (0-5)
Here is the Story of the Tape for Pillow Combat of the Week of the 12 months of the Century of the Millennium (PFOWYCOM): UMass and UConn are ranked 127th and 126th in complete offense, 129th and 118th in complete protection, 123rd and 112th in speeding yards, a hundred and thirtieth (final) and a hundred and twenty fifth in factors allowed and 128th and a hundred and twenty fifth in scoring. The story of this tape is that this roll of tape is getting used to hogtie the groups’ mascots and maintain them in faculty soccer’s basement for ransom.
2. U-Cannot (0-6)
Sure, the Huskies are the primary group within the nation to achieve six losses. Sure, they misplaced to Vandy on the street by way of last-second area objective. Sure, it was their second consecutive brutal loss, following a 24-22 loss to Wyoming that got here all the way down to a failed two-point conversion. And sure, in response to the mysteriously ESP(N)-powered FPI computer systems, UConn is the underdog within the matchup with solely a 37.9% probability of successful. However no, we aren’t transferring them into our primary spot as a result of we seemed on the contract of “retired” head coach Randy Edsall, who continues to be on the payroll, and located a $100 bonus for each week his groups are ranked on the high of the Backside 10. Okay, it is truly a $100 reward card to Steak and Ale, however nonetheless, we aren’t giving him the pleasure.
3. By The Time I Get To Arizona (0-4)
We do not wish to get too far forward of ourselves, however simply in case the Earth does not explode like Alderaan on the finish of the UConn-UMass recreation, and assuming Arizona loses to UCLA on Saturday evening, then the next weekend will carry us the P(ac12)illow Combat of Week 7, when the Wildcats journey to face Backside 10 wait lister, the Colora-duh Muffaloes.
4. unLv (0-5)
The Fightin’ Tarks spherical out our high/backside 4, additionally the one 4 FBS groups who’re nonetheless winless on the season. But another excuse to by no means broaden the Backside 10 CFP area to any quantity apart from 4 … until we are able to work out learn how to do a 13-team bracket.
Stanford scores a game-tying landing on the ultimate play of regulation after which wins it in extra time to upset No. 3 Oregon.
5. Ore-gone Geese (4-1)
The coveted fifth spot is wearing gaudy yellow and inexperienced, after Oregon fell on the street to Stanford. The Cardinal definitely did not win as a consequence of any homefield benefit. Judging by the 1000’s of empty seats, the undergrads elected to not sit nonetheless in a stadium after they may as an alternative be in a Silicon Valley lab devising an algorithm which may assist the Pac-12 sooner or later get an undefeated group into October.
6. Akron-monious (1-4)
The Zips have been favored to win final weekend’s Pillow Combat Undercard matchup with Ohio Not State, the group that was ranked on this very spot headed into the sport, and misplaced 34-17. Akron has seven video games remaining, all MAC convention video games, and 5 of these opponents presently have information of 2-3. That is the #MACtionest incontrovertible fact that ever #MACtioned.
Jalen White’s 50-yard speeding landing sends the Crimson Wolves again to Arkansas with their fourth straight loss.
7. Arkansaw State (1-4)
After a season-opening win over Central Arkansas, the Crimson Wolves have dropped 4 straight video games. The newest loss was to Georgia Southern Not State, a group that was ranked ninth in final week’s Backside 10 and had simply fired its head coach partially as a result of he let a participant stand atop the group bus and shotgun a beer as that bus was driving down the street … and that 1-3 coach-less group promptly scored seven touchdowns and scored 59 factors, practically as many as that they had of their first 4 video games mixed (66).
8. Kansas Nayhawks (1-4)
KU adopted up its Week 4 loss to Dook within the Man We Want This Was Hoops Basic by falling on the street at Iowa State. Now they may shut out the season with seven straight Huge 12 convention video games. In keeping with the mystically mathematical FPI pc, their probabilities of successful these seven video games are 8.5% (Texas Tech), 1.6% (Oklahoma), 3.3% (Oklahoma State), 8.8% (Kansas State), 1% (Texas), 3.3% (TCU), 6.9% (West Virginia) and 100% (being grateful it is over).
9. Whew Mexico State (1-5)
The Different Aggies practically knocked off San Jose State on the street earlier than working out of fuel within the fourth quarter. Sources inform the Backside 10 JortsCenter information desk that their momentum was derailed when somebody on the group on the bench their cellphone out of the blue yelled out, “Wait… we’ve got to play at Kentucky and Alabama in back-to-back weeks in November?!”
10. Vanderbilt Commode Doorways (2-3)
Are there worse groups on the Backside 10 Ready Checklist? Most likely. However Vandy continues to be on this checklist as a result of they have been docked a bazillion model factors for jumping around en masse at midfield after edging out UConn like they’d simply crushed Tampa Bay.
Ready Checklist: FSU Semi-No’s, the group that simply misplaced to the FSU Semi-No’s (Sibericuse), US(not C)F, Tulame, Tulsa Folden Hurricane, The Yew, Warshington State, Western Kentucky Shrilltoppers, FI(not A)U, Previous Duh-minions, Ohio Not State, Southern Missed, North Texas Armadillos, Colora-duh Muffaloes, Colora-duh State, Cow Berkley, Georgia State Not Southern, COVID-19.